Healing Reveals Who We Were Never Meant to Keep

Quite often, I reflect on my past relationships—friends, family, and dating partners—and I think to myself, “WOW… I must have been a mess to have chosen these people to be in my immediate circle, influencing my daily life.”
These were the people I was drawn to… the ones I respected, looked up to, or thought I needed for one reason or another.

What’s even more unfortunate is seeing many of them—along with their immediate family—still behaving the same, still struggling the same. In some cases, they seem even worse off now than they were then. And if they’re not, that says something even deeper.

I’m not saying this to insult anyone. I say this because many of us come from trauma, and that trauma shows up in ways we don’t always recognize.

But as we begin to heal, grow, and become more aware, those patterns become clearer. And naturally, we start to drift away from the people who remain stuck in those cycles.

I’m far from fully healed—are any of us, really? But I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I’ve learned boundaries. I’ve embraced a healthy kind of selfishness. I’ve found peace in who I am.

For most of my life, those same people—and often their families—had something negative to say about me.
My character was attacked regularly, even when I was young.
Some of them went as far as doing things to me and my children to try to tear me down. I was judged harshly, minimized, and made to feel like something was wrong with me.

And it worked—for a while—because I valued them. Their opinions mattered.
I didn’t realize until more recently that much of their judgment and behavior stemmed from jealousy, insecurity, and projection.
It was never truly about me. It was always about them.

Now, when I look at many of them, I don’t feel anger. I feel something else—maybe not pity, but compassion. I understand now.
It’s sad to see so many people in their late 30s, 40s, 50s, even 60s, still stuck in the same cycles, still repeating the same patterns.

Is it mental illness? A lack of motivation? A lack of self-awareness?
Maybe it’s all connected.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people think bad things “just happen” to them, over and over. And while that can be true in some cases, much of it boils down to choices—and the company we keep.

I remember watching a clip of Prince being interviewed. Someone brought up horror movies, and Prince said he doesn’t watch them. He mentioned how “we become what we watch.” That stuck with me.

Because in many ways, we do become what we allow into our lives—what we consume, what we tolerate, and who we choose to value.

I’m still growing. Still healing. Still learning to truly love all parts of myself—even the ones I once rejected or didn’t understand.

And despite everything, I genuinely hope that every person from my past and present—those who are stuck, hurting, or unhealed—finds that same growth, that same peace, and that same love for themselves.

We all deserve that. Whether we believe it yet or not.