Let’s be honest—no one sets out saying, “I want to be in a situationship.” Yet so many of us find ourselves in them, again and again. Why?
Is it a lack of boundaries? Is it settling? Or is it something deeper—a longing to feel connected, even if it’s only halfway?
The thing about situationships is they often start innocently enough. You vibe with someone. The conversations flow. The intimacy is there. It’s easy. It feels good in the moment. And maybe you’re both “not looking for anything serious.” So you don’t define it. You let it be what it is—until what it is starts to feel confusing.
When there’s no title, people tend to let a lot slide. The things that might feel unacceptable or non-negotiable in a relationship get brushed off. You might think:
- It’s not that serious, so I won’t ask too many questions.
- We’re not official, so I can’t expect too much.
- This feels good when we’re together, so maybe that’s enough.
And for a while, it might be. Because comfort can feel like connection. The presence of someone can feel like the presence of something real. But that doesn’t always mean it is.
There’s also the illusion of closeness. Some situationships feel like relationships—they’re full of inside jokes, late-night talks, good sex, shared routines. But there are often clear lines that don’t get crossed. You’re not brought around close friends or family. You’re not included in milestones, celebrations, or their inner world. Plans aren’t made unless it’s convenient. Time together exists in a bubble—warm when it’s there, absent when it’s not.
So you start wondering:
Do they care about me, or just how I make them feel?
Do I actually like them, or do I just like not being alone?
How can I say I love this person when I’ve only seen the version of them they allow me to access?
These questions sit in the background until they get too loud to ignore.
And that’s when you have to ask:
Are you a placeholder, or are you genuinely valued?
Because there is a difference between being wanted and being chosen.
Being wanted means someone enjoys you in their life—when it suits them. When they have time. When they need comfort or companionship.
Being chosen means someone is intentional about building with you. They want you to be a part of their full life, not just the parts that are easy or enjoyable. They make space for you, even when it’s inconvenient. They show up, even when it’s hard.
In a situationship, it’s easy to confuse the two.
So how do you tell the difference?
Start by checking in with yourself:
- Are you sacrificing your standards to maintain the connection?
- Are you constantly overthinking or trying to decode their behavior?
- Are your emotional needs being met, or just temporarily soothed?
Ask yourself if this is the kind of love you want—or just the kind you’re accepting right now.
Sometimes we settle for situationships not because we don’t want more, but because we’re afraid we’ll never get more. Sometimes we’re taught that asking for emotional clarity or commitment is “too much.” So instead, we learn to shrink our needs and call it being chill. We convince ourselves that halfway love is better than none at all.
But here’s the truth: If you’re constantly trying to make sense of a connection, it probably isn’t the one that’s meant for you. The right love brings peace—not confusion. You won’t have to wonder where you stand, or beg for access to someone’s life.
You’ll be chosen. Clearly. Fully. Without hesitation.